


i can't breathe without you (but i have to)

by asexysexywarlock



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, i don't know how to tag oops, post 2x16, there's background minty and wicken in this too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 13:10:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3611253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asexysexywarlock/pseuds/asexysexywarlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Clarke leaves, Bellamy doesn't know what to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i can't breathe without you (but i have to)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first ao3 fic, so i hope you enjoy it. the title is from 'breathe' by taylor swift.

Sometimes Bellamy Blake was so damn tired he felt like he could cry.

Clarke was gone. She was gone, and he didn’t know what to do. The entire time they had been on the ground she had been there, even when they couldn’t stand each other. A mocking 'brave princess' had turned into 'I can’t lose you too' and he didn’t know how or when it had happened but he had come to need it. He needed it like he needed air on this Godforsaken planet.

They had been separated before, of course they had. But this time she was gone and he didn’t know when (if) she was coming back. He had been left with the ghost of lips on his cheek and the feeling of her arms around him and nothing else. He heard her voice ('may we meet again') in his dreams and his nightmares alike. 

But now she was gone and he had no idea how to lead these kids without her. The adults weren’t going to help, he knew they weren’t, and he didn’t want them to. They hadn’t been on the ground when they had to go to war to with the grounders, and they didn’t know half of the things the kids did. Those kids had been surviving since the very first day, and it wasn’t fair of the people from the Ark to just come down and expect everything to be the same as it was in the sky. The delinquents that were left were still looking to him for leadership, but he didn’t know how to lead without Clarke Griffin by his side. He wanted to go back to when he first began to see her in a new light; when they went on their stupid day trip and were attacked by Dax. He never thought he would miss those days. The times when they were at war with the grounders, when Jasper got hit with a spear and one of his biggest worries was that Octavia was with Lincoln. 

At least then he had a leader with him. He couldn’t be responsible for all of these kids by himself. After all, that’s what they were. All of them were just teenagers, under 18. When Clarke was with them, they all looked to her. The princess who always knew what to do. 

But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t always have a plan like she did. But he had to. He knew he did. These kids were all expecting him to be their leader. He knew her absence would be felt by everyone, not just him. He couldn’t let himself drown in his grief for the beautiful girl he could have loved (and already might have). He had to bury that, deep inside of him, and be a figure for his people. If he was strong, maybe it would make it easier for them to be.

People were healing, albeit slowly. Bellamy could see it all around camp. They were leaning on each other, as they should have been. Jasper and Monty still weren’t talking, but he saw Monty wrapped up in his sweater all around camp, with Miller constantly by his side. He made a mental note to ask Nate what was going on there later. Raven was beginning to make her way around camp again, with the support of Wick. They still bickered like there was no tomorrow, but it had an odd sort of affection to it. Octavia and Lincoln were still together, and they had fallen into an easy routine. It was still odd to see his baby sister in the grounder gear, but to be honest, he should have seen it coming. His sister wasn’t helpless anymore, and it was odd to think about. Even Kane and Abby were back into some form of normalcy (whatever their relationship actually was). Everyone was paired off, it seemed, and getting better. Everyone except Bellamy. He still saw the people of Mount Weather in his nightmares, screaming at him as he and Clarke pulled the lever to irradiate Level 5. He woke up panting every night, reaching for someone he knew wouldn’t be there. 

Most people in Camp Jaha began to lose hope that Clarke would come back after a few weeks. Bellamy still watched the line of the woods every day, hoping that, if she didn’t come back, there would at least be a sign that she was okay. He caught Monty sometimes, staring at the woods just like he did. Sometimes he forgot that Monty had been a part of this too, of the thing that caused his sleep to be restless and uneasy. Monty Green, one of the most innocent people he had ever known, had ghosts in his eyes because of him.  
Bellamy fell into a somewhat normal routine. He would wake up from a long night of awful dreams, do whatever was needed around camp, and have dinner with Raven and Wick, his sister and Lincoln, and Monty and Miller. After, he would make his way to the gate and watch for Clarke. Most people didn’t know what he was doing; they just thought he was being odd. He went every night, without fail. He would watch until he couldn’t stand it anymore, then he would go to his tent and have nightmare after nightmare of the people he killed. The one night he didn’t follow his routine was the one that would come to matter the most.

Nearly three months after the fall of Mount Weather, Bellamy didn’t go to the gate. It just hurt too much, and it was storming. So he went directly to his tent after dinner, and sat there for what felt like forever. He was drowning in his thoughts, and his eyes were brimming with tears. He hadn’t actually allowed himself to cry since Clarke had left and Mount Weather had been taken down. He could feel his shoulders shaking. His hands were trembling and he really didn’t want to do this, not now, not here, and- “Blake! Get out here!” He heard Raven call. He stood up shakily, scrubbed roughly at his eyes with the back of his hand, and pushed open the flap of his tent. As he glanced around, his eyes caught on something blonde and bright, and his head swung back to it. Clarke was there. Clarke was back, and other than a few bruises and scrapes, she appeared to be okay. Her shoulders seemed lighter than they had three months ago. 

“I…” he trailed off. His hands were starting to shake again, and he couldn’t get his lips to form words. He had been waiting for this girl for months, and the most he could say was ‘I’. He couldn’t believe himself. 

Clarke smiled (God, she was back, she could finally smile at him again) and said, “Hi, Bellamy.”

“Hey,” he managed to get out. Raven groaned, and shoved Clarke at him. She stumbled forward, and he rushed to catch her. His arms made their way around her waist, and as she straightened, hers made their way around his neck. He felt her tighten her hold around his neck, and he buried his face into her hair. He brought one arm up further on her back, so he could hold more of her and convince himself that she was actually there, she was back. When he pulled away from her, he noticed that Raven was gone, and so was everyone else crowded around to see their reunion. He grabbed her hand (he didn’t want to let go of her) and pulled her into his tent. As soon as they were inside it, he cupped her face and put his lips to hers. 

The kiss was slow, and it was sweet, and it was both everything he wanted and had never expected to get. When they pulled apart, he placed his forehead on hers and smiled. He smiled for the first time in three months. Clarke Griffin was back, and she had kissed him, and she was smiling at him like he was the brightest star in the sky, and he wanted to stay in this moment forever.


End file.
